maturing is realizing
some lessons before I turn 27
My birthday is coming up in about a month (despite my two Gemini placements, I am a Cancer through and through), but because I’ll be traveling, I’m celebrating early with friends and loved ones. There are a myriad of conversations happening at the same time - what gifts do I want? Which restaurant do I want to go to? What do I want to do? In the midst of these conversations, I am called to actually confront the fact that I’ll be one year older, and hopefully wiser. This year has been extremely painful, wonderful, and transformative. I lost a lot of things that no longer served me and gained so much that I could only recognize when I took a long, deep look at my accomplishments and the simple beauty that surrounds me. With this gratitude comes the realization that I can no longer take myself for granted anymore. In ushering in a new era, I need to uphold the promise to myself that I will not succumb to anyone’s expectations or perceptions and be the most authentic and honest version of myself.
With that, these are ten lessons I’ve learned and put into practice. These will also be prioritized as I get older, because I refuse to get older AND regress into a weaker and less confident version of myself. Let’s get started.
Don’t hold on too tight to anything. The tighter your grip, the more likely it is to run away. If something disappears, it’s because it was meant to happen. It’s making room for something more beautiful and necessary to enter your life and forcing you to recenter your energy. I’ve dealt with this fear of abandonment in so many different ways: with friends, with work, with goals. Ultimately, people changing means that you have a need that was fulfilled, and you are ready to no longer be reliant on or attached to that person, place, or thing.
Let them. In the same vein, you can’t control what people do, think, or say. Let them talk. Let them criticize. Let them not understand. The only person you are responsible for, truly, is yourself, and anyone’s beliefs about you are none of your business. I had always valued this mantra, but it really hit me during a workshop where an attendee said he was frustrated by his friends mistreating him, by them not taking his advice. When I told him to just let them, I realized how badly I needed to do that, too.
Authenticity makes you more beautiful than clothes or makeup ever will. For so long, I blamed my insecurities on my appearance and mannerisms instead of on my mindset. As I became more confident, I realized that while my appearance didn’t change, I no longer was hyper aware of how I looked or sat or spoke. Being yourself makes you more interesting and attractive to others than the latest shoes or bag ever will, but when you’re too consumed by the latter, the former might fall to the wayside.
Speaking of authenticity…
Authenticity will show you who your true friends are. Yesterday I went to an art exhibit run by the sweetest and wisest elderly woman, and something she said really stuck with me: in times of trouble, the masks come off. When you’re being your most successful, fulfilled, and confident self, people, out of jealousy, insecurity, or dissatisfaction, might leave your life, or at least show you their true colors. While this can be painful, remembering #1 is always necessary: this is making room for people who will accept you and value you no matter what.
You deserve more. Whatever you dream about, you have to believe you are deserving of it. There’s really no reason for you not to. God wouldn’t put a dream inside of your heart unless it was something within your reach. Yes, it will take hard work for you to get there. Yes, it will take a long time, depending on what your dream is (see #6). But without confidence and assurance, hard work is futile, because you will never feel ready to accept what it is you are deserving of.
Do the work. This is the hardest part of accomplishing anything. Whether it’s healing, accomplishing goals, becoming more confident, or growing, these successes don’t happen to anyone overnight. Anyone you see who has the things you desire has ultimately had to work for those things, and even if they didn’t, wallowing in “unluckiness” will really do nothing for you. You need to get out of the habit of thinking and into the habit of doing.
You need to relax. I literally repeat this to myself on an hourly basis. RELAX. The thing you are worried about hasn’t happened. It probably will never happen. Why waste the moments of happiness you do have being worried about pain or sadness that only exists in your imagination? Even if the bad thing were to happen, you would at least be thankful that you didn’t spend the months leading up to it in a state of fear or anxiety. Please relax. Which brings us to #8…
Delusion is the solution. “Delusion” may be the wrong word, but it definitely gets the point across. You need to have faith. If you don’t believe in yourself, who will? If you aren’t hopeful for the best-case scenario, what right do you have to see that scenario manifest into reality? Faking it until you make it is what will push you to turn that delusion into actual hard work. Or to quote Tiktok, “everyone is cringe until they’re a success.”
Be a good person. This might seem obvious, but I’m sure we all know how many people actually struggle to do this. As long as you are genuine and good-willed in your interactions, you are, by definition, being a good person. This doesn’t mean that you need to sit back and accept mistreatment from people because they’ve been your friend “forever.” This doesn’t mean that you need to accept less than what you deserve. I had to learn the difference between being a good person and a passive person. Passive people hurt more than they help, because they’re allowing those around them to continue cycles of bad behavior.
And lastly, but most importantly…
Life’s so fun. Enjoy being young! Enjoy being 27 or 35 or 49! Go out and sit in the sun and read a book and smile and make a friend. Enjoy the time you have with the people you love. Live every day to the fullest. Be grateful for the beauty that exists all around you: in your coffee cup, in the smile of a stranger, in a song on the radio. Life is too short.